My father had terminal colon cancer. My best friend committed suicide. I'm recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I'm trying to raise a healthy teenager. Welcome to my journey; it's going to get wacky.
Lovelies, Sister Mary went out adventuring this weekend and after the troublesome fashion no-no’s, I regret even venturing outside the convent. I saw ladies wearing only half a shirt and I was left wondering if they paid full price for that or if they got it at a half off shop. (Get it? A half off shop?) And the cut offs with the pockets hanging below the cutoff line….just what is the point? Then there were the men in flip flops, or man flops as I call them. Yes, I know that Jesus wore sandals, but they were more like a man-dal and not a flop. A flip flop says “Hi, I’m going to the shower.” A Birkenstock says, “At least I tried.” Thus why we call them “Jesus kicks.”
So back to the main offender. What I found to be the most offensive in fashion don’ts was the fanny pack.
First, I’d like to point out that no one should be accentuating that area unless you are Twiggy.
Second, no one has a “fanny.” We have butts.
Third, to our friends across the pond, fanny is slang for female parts so some of us do in fact have fannies and maybe that is the joke that we just aren’t getting. Well, Sister Mary just clued you in, so please for the love of all that is good, STOP THE MADNESS!
So I don’t care if your pack is Gucci, Prada or if you purchased it at Target, I really do not want to see another one of these things on the street. We are not marsupials; we do not have pouches. We are mammals and we are meant to carry things in a pocketbook, a backpack, a respectable handbag, or God forbid in cargo shorts aka purse pants.
After much thought and sacramental wine, I thought I might begin with this little gem. For the fashion safety of all involved, I have concealed her identity.
Now, here in the good ol’ U.S of A, I understand and encourage the exercising the right to vote. And the good Lord knows I love stickers. (Honk if you love Jesus!) But there is a difference between wearing a sticker and coordinating your entire outfit for voting. I know for one election women were encouraged to wear pantsuits in support of our right to vote, but I think this next outfit takes the prize.
This outfit is red, white and YOU. I failed severely at getting a picture of the footwear, which I believe were either gold or red strappy heeled sandals. Now, I have to admit, the overall silhouette of the outfit is completely on point. However, I do not recommend wearing a red top with a blue skirt with white stars, except perhaps to a 4th of July parade or fireworks display, which this clearly was not. I did remind me of something straight out of my childhood. My first thought was, “where is her golden lasso?” And then came the Wonder Woman theme song and all I could see was Lynda Carter twirling around changing from Diana Prince to Wonder Woman.
And now that you’ve lassoed the truth out of me, I’ll reveal the patriotic outfit.
Lovelies. I am back and better than ever! I’ve been on a fashion hiatus, traveling the world, just seeing what I can see. Lord help us all! I have seen the light…among other things. Sister Mary has got her groove back and is going to tear up this keyboard, so get ready for some new adventures.
I am going to try to migrate my old site over to this one, but I’m having some trouble with the “I can’t remember my password” function. Seems I put it someplace rather clever and I just can’t remember where that is right now. Of course, I’m still looking for my sunnies at this point too; I think I left them in Ibiza. Never you mind, the old site will jump on over here come what may and I’ll get some new fashion don’ts up here just as quick as I can.
“And, now, come to this spot Where the spotlight is hot And you’ll see in the spotlight A Juggling Jott Who can juggle some stuff You might think he could not… Such as twenty-two question marks, Which is a lot. Also forty-four commas And, also, one dot! That’s the kind of Circus McGurkus I’ve got!” ― Dr. Seuss, If I Ran the Circus
Well Lovelies, summer came and went and with it should have gone pantsuits. I’m not talking the proper pant suit. I’m speaking of those that our mothers back in the 1970’s may have worn and anyone who may have frequented Studio 54 back in “the day” may have sported. That said, I must offer a caveat, there are SOME pantsuits of that nature that are simply elegant and understated. This example that I will give you is not. There are some fashion pantsuits that when paired with the right updo, jewelry and shoes would be a very elegant moment, brace yourself because this is not one of those.
I am simply NOT sure what the statement this person is trying to make other than this may be a failed audition tape from “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.” Or maybe this picture was taken on the set of Priscilla and she’s an extra. I kept thinking that maybe in that large oversized handbag (also a major fashion fail) would be a CD player or MP3 thing playing “Shake Your Groove Thing” because that is the only thing that could save that outfit right now. But I confess, I’m not positive that anything could actually “save” this outfit…not even if it were on fire and a hunky fireman offered to reach in and grab it from my burning closet. WHICH by the way would not happen because it would not be in my closet in the first place! Now the hunky fireman on the other hand…
Or perhaps she just arrived to this event via a clown car? She may be the one clown that didn’t fit into the VW bug. We will never know, but we can hope that we never see such a bad example of a possible classic look.
All that said, I will give you a classic example of a pantsuit.
Tasteful, chic, and not at all circus like. This outfit does not scream P.T Barnum or reek of clown essence. This is the quintessential classic and tailored look! Coco Chanel and Ralph Lauren would be proud!
“Why not wear mismatching shoes? Who says we can’t? I was just having fun. For me, fashion is all about fantasy and putting unlikely things together. That’s what I love. I genuinely love dressing up.” ~Helena Bonham Carter
Well Ms. Carter, You alone are a definite fashion “don’t” and I’m not quite sure why I’ve included you in my postings, aside from the fact, you are touching on a new trend in fashion at the moment. I have read that mismatched patterns are the trend in fashion right now. While I don’t consider myself to be one who really keeps up with such things, now that I saw it, I’m wondering, do I dare?
Honestly, it really bothered me. I like fashion to have a reason. I don’t always like matchy matchy per se, but I definitely like there to be deliberate choices to my clothing styles, or for people to look at me and think “Wow.” Yes, Sister Mary just broke several of the deadly sins there…Vanity and Ego. I’ll go confess to Father Theo later, I promise. When getting ready to leave the convent for the day, I find myself adding a pop of random color but I want it to make sense, I want it to be bold without making me look like a deranged mental patient on the loose at fashion week.
We are seeing it everywhere from mismatched printed tops and pants, to skirts, dresses and tights. I’m told its definitely a fashion-forward look right now, however with that said, it can also be a very difficult look to pull off. My first words of advice here is if you absolute MUST try this trend, do stick to the same color scheme.
My latest fashion victim attempted an abstract patterned dress with argyle tights. Now, Sister Mary isn’t one to throw stones, she’ll just throw fashion advice and hope it sticks. But this outfit is the holy trinity of fashion sins; each piece of this outfit on it’s own is lovely, I’m a huge proponent of fashionable tights, but paired with a patterned dress, is a definite no-no. The message being sent here is one of “I got dressed in the dark,” or “I’m in the middle of doing laundry and I hope you don’t really notice what I’m wearing.” Dear Readers, this look is just not a good one, and don’t even get me started on the shoes! Shoes that fit are ever so important, and I don’t care if they are your best Louboutin’s or not…they MUST fit properly and you shouldn’t ever schlump. But back to the offending outfit; this is a train wreck. I don’t think I’d have quite the trouble with it except for the fact it is two very bold and dominating prints. If the tights were instead, a subtle black herringbone pattern or hounds tooth, I think this outfit would not be on my blog, but on my body parading about town as I went about my business for the day. Let’s just say the wearer of this outfit went into the closet and the clothes came out the dominating winner, and NOT in a good way!
With all that said, I’ve a few tips for the “If you must attempt this trend.” Floral and stripes are always a good combo. Because stripes are a simple yet strong print, they really go with anything, much like polka dots. (And you know how Sister Mary LOVES her polka dots!) However, they have more structure to them making them easy to match with another print that does not have much structure, like for example, a floral print top. Floral prints are usually not in a straight line or a structured pattern, thus, you get your mismatched prints in an ensemble, but there is still some sort of structure. However, too much floral and you end up looking like my Grandmother’s chintz wallpaper in the front parlor.
Try to avoid wearing two types of animal print. This is too chaotic and it will look like you’ve crawled right out of the Cat House at the Zoo! Get it Cat House? Women’s fashion? Darlings, Sister Mary is on a roll today! With all that said, I’m going to give this trend an overall fashion “don’t” rating and leave this one on the runway, or wherever it was found. Until next time, stay fashionable! SM
Historically a sarong or sarung is a large tube or length of fabric, often wrapped around the waist and worn by men and women throughout much of South Asia,Southeast Asia, the Arabian Peninsula, the Horn of Africa, and on many Pacific islands. The fabric most often has woven plaid or checkered patterns, or may be brightly colored by means of batik or ikat dyeing. Many modern sarongs also have printed designs, often depicting animals or plants.
Or more modernly it is worn over a swimsuit when one is at the beach and on Spring Break. It is not traditional to wear one to work over a pair of brightly colored chinos, boots and a twinset. I say this with explicit caution as Sister Mary was unable to attend fashion week this year due to an unforeseen and truly unfashionable obligation at the convent. If you take a sarong out of it’s traditional environment and try to modernize it or even add an urban chic spin, one typically ends up looking like a hot mess without the margarita refresher. When one does decide to wear it over a pair of jeans one ends up accentuating the hips and looking freakishly like an out of place matador. Ladies, there is a reason we stopped wearing hip rolls, bustles and hoop skirts and this, quite possibly, is it. There is also a reason NOT to wear a sarong over your chinos, not only is it bunchy and unflattering, but it makes everyone else wonder a few things – did you split your pants? Or did you have an accident of some sort? Perhaps you spilled your morning maccachino in your lap or sat in gum? Are you trying to hide the evilness of VPL?
You could try to convince me of this fashion trend in June or July over a pair of capris, a flowing blouse and some strappy gladiator sandals, but this is a definite fashion don’t for March. But even in the warmer months, if this is not well executed, I may shout “AHOY MATEY” and force you to walk the plank.
One of the quickest ways to add a pinch of personality to any outfit is to mix in a pair of leopard print shoes. But darlings, as popular and fun as they are, leopard prints don’t really work with everything. In fact, I have seen more fashion train wrecks that begin with a simple pair of leopard print shoes. This most recent example I found at a coffee shop and is definitely one of those fashion don’t you dares!
Grey tights as these are should NEVER be paired with anything other than a simple neutral shoe. I love these shoes, but NOT the hosiery. Grey and leopard should never go together unless I’ve found myself reincarnated as a leopard myself and then and only then is it acceptable for a leopard to go grey; and by grey, I don’t mean 50 Shades, unless it refers to the fact I’ve stopped dying my hair! (GASP!) Basically the reason this doesn’t work is I found myself staring at the yellow leopard shoes that were paired with an overall quietly neutral gray and blue business casual outfit. If these shoes had been blue suede or black with a bit of bling, I would have left her and her shoes alone. But alas, I cannot dear reader and remain true to you.
The fabulous news is, when paired in the right combination, it certainly makes a statement for drama, glamour and sex appeal. (GASP! Sister Mary said sex.)
After black, the easiest shades to pair with leopard print shoes are white and light neutral colors like sand, blush, and cream. But ladies, this does NOT apply to hosiery. Hosiery should be kept to nude or black and certainly NOT grey! Ladies, whether it’s flats, pumps, or booties (EW!! EW!! Booties are another fashion no no that I will save for later) you’re talking about; one of the absolute easiest ways to wear leopard print shoes is to pair them with good old denim. Familiarize yourself with Mr. Levi Strauss and company.
Poor Yorick, I will not admit I know you Horatio! That being said, poor us!! Everything old is new again apparently.
Today’s topic is bubble skirts. Once popular in the mid-80’s as part of the pop culture fashion. But what we don’t realize is that this fashion trend stems from the Renaissance, only then it was for well to do men in Venice, Italy.
This once fashion forward garment stems mostly out of necessity. Venice was known to flood, so men in that time would wear the shorter pants and taller boots. Not because it was wickedly fashionable or popular with the ladies, but because they wanted to keep dry. Nothing says party foul like showing up to court to woo the women in a wet tunic. Venetians today merely sport their Wellies and foul weather gear when the streets begin to take on water and use the modern convenience of a washer and dryer when their clothes get wet and/or dirty.
Bubble skirts today have taken on a new life in women’s fashion. Ladies today can wear them with wildly loud tights and a pair of simple flats. This once testosterone oriented garment is now taken over by the ladies. However this is a simple garment that can go wrong quickly. Too many accessories and you begin to look like you belong in the 80’s; too few and you’re considered boring. To be honest, I have never seen anyone successfully pull of looking fabulous in one of these. I tend to see people looking very bottom heavy or their body type is not one that could support a bubble skirt as acceptable fashion. I’m not saying one must be waif thin and twelve to wear one, but I do think that anyone past the age of 18 should not be found wearing one, unless of course you find yourself in the streets of a flooded Venice and you are wearing tall boots and a cape.
So find that happy medium and don’t let anyone burst your bubble! Remember this is a fashion maybe, but must be age and accessory appropriate!
Dashiki’s were popular back in the 1970’s when roller disco, car washes and sky high platform heels were simply groovy!
However it is now the 21st century, and perhaps the dashiki should take a back seat to other fashions. Perhaps not? You can be the judge.
Traditionally, the dashiki is a colorful men’s garment widely worn in West Africa that covers the top half of the body. It has formal and informal versions and varies from simple draped clothing to fully tailored suits. A common form is a loose-fitting pullover garment, with an ornate V-shaped collar, and tailored and embroidered neck and sleeve lines. The colors represent different stages in one’s life.
What I’m saying here, dear reader, is nothing more than maybe the wearer of this traditional garment should have thought twice before stepping out in the world wearing this colorful ensemble. I mean just because it matches your sneakers, does not mean that it is socially acceptable. I don’t know if this young man has been to Africa or if it was a gift. Either way, I’m not terribly sure that this garment sends the correct message to his audience.
Given the traditional meaning of the dashiki, I’m not even sure what stage of his life this young man is at and trying to represent other than a major fashion don’t. However, that being said, perhaps the stage of life this young man is choosing to represent is the “I’m not quite ripe yet” stage. Here he is a mind ready to mold into fashion forwardness and he chooses to wear a dashiki; there may be no hope for the fashionable future if this continues.
I bet you thought Sister Mary had gone inactive. Well I had, I had to attend to this little thing called “life” for a bit. But in the meantime, Sister Mary has been collecting images of fashion gone wrong.
I think even Christian Louboutin would cringe at this prospect.
Louboutin had it correct, the shoes should leave you wanting more, thus his trademark “red soles.” Now these shoes are making me want less. Certainly every woman needs a splash of color but this looks like she tromped through day-glo zombie debris on her way to the gallery opening. A shoe should definitely make a statement and this one should have been “leave it on the rack at Macy’s.”
While chunky heels are in, one should accentuate the look not take away from it and these shoes certainly add NOTHING to her already questionable dress and boho scarf.
Well lovelies, Sister Mary has plenty to post from her travels, and until then, stay fashionable.
Sister Mary's School of Fashion 